?

Log in

My Sanity...Tweaked a BIT f.y.E.

> recent entries
> calendar
> friends
> profile
> previous 20 entries

Friday, January 11th, 2013
2:09 am - I should have stayed in the Bronx.
God. Damn it!


That's all for now. Iwannawritesomuchmoreit'snotevenfunnybutIcan'trightnowbecauseIhavetosleepsometime.

Especially now since I just took a melatonin pill.

Recant from Summer 2011-now, by the way. Next time!

Jesus.

Toodles!

(comment on this)

Wednesday, October 19th, 2011
12:48 am - Ah Reddit, how I love you so~

On So I just woke up to no front door. What is the strangest thing you woke up to? (self.AskReddit)

[–]assjaxmpls 1172 points

 ago

My roommate moved in his girlfriend and convinced her to go off her antipsychotics. On day three, I woke up to piss around 2am and notice a few things slightly awry:

1) Open my bedroom door and find all the knives from the butcher block embedded in my door.

2) Attempt to piss, but find the toilet lid has been duct-taped to the bowl, and the fake ficus from the living room is placed on the toilet with $1,600 in $20 bills stapled to the leaves. Each bill has been defaced with anti-government slogans (BUSH IS ANTICHRIST, etc). Why so much cash around? The crazy girl and her friend who was spending the night were both handjobbers at a "massage parlor".

3) After liberating the toilet and taking a piss, I look in the bathroom mirror and find the opposite wall covered in crude, red caveman-style drawings. The bloody tampon on the floor tells me this is not from a marker.

4) Now upset and wanting to inspect the house, I go to the kitchen & find the freezer open. The contents of the freezer and the kitchen trash have been swapped.

5) One wall in the kitchen has been completely covered in nonsense ramblings in sharpie and blue, black and red pen. Eg "WRITE ANYWHERE, GOD IS EVERYWHERE" "THEY CAN HEAR ME THINK". The whole fucking wall.

6) On the microwave, there is an abstract art piece which on closer inspection has been fingerpainted using snot, spit, semen, (assuming menstrual) blood, and feces.

7) The white couch has menses stains on each cushion.

8) I'm obviously not interested in fucking around cleaning any of this shit in the middle of the night. I go back to bed to find the psycho has snuck into my bed while I was investigating the house and curled up with my date. Told her to fuck off in no uncertain terms and she starts begging "No daddy, please let me stay!" At which point my date wakes up and starts freaking out. So I had to physically drag her out of my room & lock the door.

TL;DR Schizophrenic menses bomb destroyed my house

  • iglidante 426 points

     ago* 

    Knowing that one day I will be a young man staring out at the world from behind a dying body, and no one will be able to see the man I still believe I am.

A-punk 403 points

 ago* 

It's not so bad. Let me offer some perspective.

The first breath after a coma is something you never really want to experience. Try to picture waking up from a dream, a dream where you are everything you've always wanted to be. A world in which you are the center of everything and everyone, a world revolving around the innermost desires of a star crossed mind and a benevolent heart, a world in which you are the creator and destroyer, the omnipotent hero and vengeful libertine. Imagine shaping a person in your own image, letting them live a beautiful and endearing life, then crushing it in an a fraction of an instance. This isn't a sad moment, it's a beautiful recollection of the human spirit. You may feel sad for him, but you don't because without you, he wouldn't have ever existed. A frame of reference, of reality is nothing without something to perceive it, to shape it, to create it. How can something actually exist if there is no one there for it to exist for? That's what its like in a coma. You are everything. You are the life force for everything. A world you created to suit your every need and propensities, the only emotion is bliss, the only struggle is one of gratification, the only reality is your own.

Then it happens. A gaping black hole in the sky sucking everything up, a bright light and a flash of red. Screaming, unendurable pain and strange men standing all around you. A shock of lightning to the chest and that first excruciating breath of air, encompassing the body, the suck of death into the deepest pit of lungs. A cold, black numbness sweeping over your body. You try to stop it but you can't. Your world slides away with each gasp, it's like drowning in a sea of blurred nothingness, of something beautiful that once was, each breath brings you closer to the surface and further away from where you want to be, of where you actually need to be. Clutching at dieing flowers you're dragged away, engulfing death with each passing breath, scared and alone again in a cold, dark world.

So you lie in bed staring at the ceiling. Weeks have passed, months and years roll by. Tears stream down your face as you wait. Wait for that gaping hole in the sky to suck you out and for your reality to vanish, into the ether of an eternal mind, forgotten into nothingness, a fleeting moment of someones elses life. And you think, maybe dieing isn't that bad after all...


(comment on this)

Saturday, September 17th, 2011
3:15 pm - I'M BACK BABY!!!

THE BELOW IS HISTORY, TOMORROW'S A MYSTERY, BUT WHAT'S TODAY? A GIFT! CHERISH IT!

Also you know what gift I have for you?

Verizon FiOS service at $79.99, phone internet and tv included. What's that you say? Can't beat that?


BITCHES, YA AIN'T SUPOSED TO!

Lol, ok, I'll stop with that. But you wanna know how? Call me now!

(646) 354-1166


<3, Danielle

Life's doing alright right now. I'm kinda scared shitless for the future, but I have a much better presence of mind now that I'm back here. Stay tuned for details!

P.S.- Below was for before the shit hit the fan. That sentiment is still kinda felt, but not for this time of my life now. Maybe another time, another shot :)

But not atleast for another few years from now. I'm too needed here. Toodles!


P.S.2- Mephare, I <3 ya :) Just know that, you're an unsung hero, a true golden treasure amongst the tides of mercury <3
------------------------------

So here we go! This must be completed in and for time's sake. Are you ready?

THESIS BLOG; This is to be updated weekly for both progress reports and reflection of what's done in past, what you're currently doing and what must be done in the future. THESIS MUST BE DONE NO LATER THAN X-MAS TIME, NEW YEARS THE LATEST!!!

P90X VIDEOS MUST BE BURNED, FOR I MUST BY NOW LOOK LIKE I CAN KICK ASS WHILE KISSIN' ASS AT THE SAME TIME. Not that I can't do both now, byt never again will I ever be a pudge ass like I am now.

Set up the EBAY Business and RAPE THIS STATE FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH!!! YOU CAN DO IT, YOU CAN DO IT ALL NIGHT LONG!!!

LEARN ITALIAN AND FRENCH FLUENTLY BY THIS TIME 2012, ONE OF THEM RELIABLY BY JAN '12. YOU WANNA GO TO GNOMMON, RIGHT?!?!

GET BACK TO NYC TO COMPLETE UNFINISHED BUSINESS BEFORE JAN '12. For all these reasons!!!

A.-Please refer to academic loan deferment, enrollment into the Spring Semester once more and kissin' ass much so to my ever so lovely chairpeeps. I kid you not, they are awesome people. You dare say a nay bad about Miss Blum and you'll leave with a bloody nose. I hope they like fruitbaskets though!

B.-EMPTY ONE OF THOSE STORAGE UNTIS FOR CHRIS' SAKES!!! YOU DON'T NEED SO MUCH SHIT GIRL!

C.- GET THE CDL CLASS C LICENSE IF YOU HONESTLY TREASURE NYC LIFE LITTLE MISS CUNTSY McGHEESE!! AND

D.- Muchos needed shits and giggles time with the ol' anime bitch's brew crew.
A-BRO-MY-BITCH, DO YOU HEAR ME?!?!

I'LL BE AT THE JAVIT'S CENTER COMIC CON BY HOOK NOOK AND CRANNY!!!!

 



Laughing, SCREAMING delirium into the heart of the night!

 

I'll be there!

 


(comment on this)

Tuesday, July 19th, 2011
10:41 pm - I hope that the Beautiful Calico and her Tuxedo Cat Clan are doin' fine...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=li5swRRkUzQ&feature=fvwrel
Spice and Wolf AMV by
- Nelly Fertado All Good Things (Come to an End)


Talkin' of those fine cats, they were the ones I ran into the last time I was in NYC, at the Princes' Bay beach/ park.

I think of weird things at this time of night.

Anyone in SI and wants to have some fun with the cats, go there during the night time with some food, sit on the bench and wait. They'll come in time. That's what happens when the Espio-Man neglects his responsibilities! :)

(That was also during the Pixar trip, F.Y.I.)


current mood: determined

(comment on this)

Friday, July 15th, 2011
5:25 pm
I've already HIGLIGHTED EXACTLY where everything NICE ABOUT HERE AND YOU HAS BEEN SAID ABOUT HERE, INSTEAD OF ALL THE NEGATIVE RHETORIC YOU DECIDE TO SNOOP ABOUT ALONE. I'M SORRY, FOR WHATEVER AND EVERYTHING YOU'VE GOT AGAINST HERE AND I UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY WHERE YOU ARE COMING FROM WITH HER, HOWEVER SHE IS NOTHING, ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY NOTHING WORSE IN COMPARISON TO THE CRACK DAUGHTER CAROL YOU'RE SCREAMING ABOUT ALL THE DAMN TIME. (anything in parenthesis {(((((the symbols around this)))))} is my own commentary, because I do not believe you knew where I was coming from!!!!)


    Donna Capichano
        k, is dad hatin me?
   
    July 5
    Danielle Cap
        Hello :), I dont think so, why you ask?
        and I just got the message above now lol im sorry
        oh never mind lol facebook chat
        *look above i've got our conversation back from december on here lol
  
    July 5
    Donna Capichano
        cuz i didn't cll on father's day but a friend died and i was not in the mood
 
    July 5
    Danielle Cap
        oh no :(
        He was a grump mess that day anyways besides yourself
 
    July 5
    Donna Capichano
        it
        it's ok
        i'm good bgt didn't call
 
    July 5
    Danielle Cap
        he didnt mention you at all, long story short though he made a fuss about my goings on heres
   
    July 5
    Donna Capichano
        what?
        is he over it>
        it?
   
    July 5
    Danielle Cap
        He is :)
   
    July 5
    Donna Capichano
        good
 
    July 5
    Danielle Cap
        me and him never have really had a good fathers day though thats why
  
    July 5
    Donna Capichano
        really
        thought
        ut was just me
 
    July 5
    Danielle Cap
        he'll usually gripe that whatever I get either wasn't good enough or something he didnt need, and if that's not the case someone unknowingly shows me up gift wise lol
        so I've given up, I've told him a while back don't expect anything more but a happy fathers day
        of me saying to him is all
 
    July 5
    Donna Capichano
        omg sis
        you are so me
        ok,
        just know you got me
        really

    July 5
    Danielle Cap
        What'ya mean? YOU SENT HIM FANCY STRAWBERRYS ONE TIME DONT THINK I FORGOT THAT!
        lol they were awesome though :)
   
    July 5
    Donna Capichano
        cuz i went through all the same
        no i didn't
  
    July 5
    Danielle Cap
        that was one of two occasions of one upping though lol
        yes you did!
   
    July 5
    Donna Capichano
        no i didn't
        really
        i sent nothing
        i didn't even friend dad on fb
 
    July 6
    Danielle Cap
        me neither

    July 6
    Donna Capichano
        really i swear
        i haven't talked to dad since fed
        feb
        he even forgot my b
        day
        didn't even say hi
 
    July 6
    Danielle Cap
        Yeah, there was alot going on with me then too, I'm sorry I hadn't called :(
  
    July 6
    Donna Capichano
        no hi no b'day
        no prob girl
        just sayin

    July 6
    Danielle Cap
        I was going through alot myself and didn't want to pull anyone else through was why
 
    July 6
    Donna Capichano
        we all try and he just loves jonathan
        you ok?
 
    July 6
    Danielle Cap
        he <3♥'s us all he just don't know what to do with him anymore is what he's up against
 
    July 6
    Donna Capichano
        you ok?
 
    July 6
    Danielle Cap
        I'm fine now :) long story short with me what was going on then was that I wound up having to drop because of both financial and academic reasons
        roomie gets the eviction notice from his scumbag landlord, and I didnt have enough to take over the rent over there
        that was in the begining of march
        so throughout the month I was in a scramble to secure a new place
        hence why I didnt have the time to call
        Begining of february my bad
  
    July 6
    Donna Capichano
        are you done with school?
  
    July 6
    Danielle Cap
        begining of march I was supposed to move into a place in si, and the guy balks out on me
  
    July 6
    Donna Capichano
        are you good?
 
    July 6
    Danielle Cap
        I go back Spring 12 to complete my bachelors
        Im doing ok now
   
    July 6
    Donna Capichano
        ok
        you neeed to complete
        !!!!!
        how much longer?
  
    July 6
    Danielle Cap
        wound up oin Oneonta with my friend, was supposed to stay there until her grannie went nutty and I couldnt stay, came back to nyc in mid april to see iif things could work out and that didnt happen, so beginning of June I've been in FLA with my mom
        Spring 12 is my last semester and thats it
        me and her are looking to patch thing up finally, amongst a million of her own mini inner family tramas as well, lol is all I can say to it :P
        *Spring 2012
  
    July 6
    Donna Capichano
        WHAT?
        you were doing so well at FIT
 
    July 6
    Danielle Cap
        I go back Spring 2012?
        I was, and things fell through
        I couldn't complete my studies without a place to stay or the money to retain a place
  
    July 6
    Donna Capichano
        and you're going back right/
 
    July 6
    Danielle Cap
        yes
        dad's promising this time around to pay for a place for me to stay the last 4 months but he's been looking to balk on that too
 
    July 6
    Donna Capichano
        OK
  
    July 6
    Danielle Cap
        part of why he was moody on fathers day was because of that very reason
  
    July 6
    Donna Capichano
        ok, listen
        ou need to finishish
        what do i need to do for you?
  
    July 6
    Danielle Cap
        he's looking to pull the card now of that I can't afford to house you in the apartment upstairs from the store bc the rent will increase soon and I'm telling him I need a place to stay regardless if it's there or not
 
    July 6
    Donna Capichano
        you have to finish
 
    July 6
    Danielle Cap
        nothing, I'm ok for now
        I have the money for the tuition
        I'm working towards having my own savings so when I go back I don't have to worry about his decrepit ass
        and I know :)
        He was flopping that day and he still is
  
    July 6
    Donna Capichano
        no no no
        i want you to finish and be successful
 
    July 6
    Danielle Cap
        same here
  
    July 6
    Donna Capichano
        how can i help
 
    July 6
    Danielle Cap
        There ain't nothing anyone can do right now all I've gotta do is save
  
    July 6
    Donna Capichano
        daniel, l love ya

    July 6
    Donna Capichano
        i want ot help
  
    July 6
    Danielle Cap
        I'll let you know :)
 
    July 6
    Donna Capichano
        please do
        you are soooooo talented
  
    July 6
    Danielle Cap
        Just knowing you're willing to help is worth more than a $ ever will be
 
    July 6
    Donna Capichano
        i am
        you are sooo talented girl
        please dont get trapped
        i want to help you
        you have so much me dear sister
 
    July 6
    Danielle Cap
        hahaha it's ok :)
 
    July 6
    Donna Capichano
        no, you do

    July 6
    Danielle Cap
        my mom's looking for me to get into real estate out here too. what's your opinion of the rental housing market of florida as a whole?
 
    July 6
    Donna Capichano
        just let me be there
 
    July 6
    Danielle Cap
        I think it's modest at best, but she's told me storys of having to go full new yorker on people before
 
    July 6
    Donna Capichano
        stick with animation
        animation
 
    July 6
    Danielle Cap
        I will be :)
 
    July 6
    Donna Capichano
        no
        i have been real estate my whole life and it sucks in fl
 
    July 6
    Danielle Cap
        Here's the skinny of what she's been telling me though just so you know as well; a house here can go for $20,000 and bring back 800 a month minimum
 
    July 6
    Donna Capichano
        i bought a place fuckin cheap cuz its so bad
 
    July 6
    Danielle Cap
        I believe so too
        I know
        that's what I worry about
        2.3 good months will bring back the cost (MEANT TO SAY YEARS, GRAMMAR ERROR)
 
    July 6
    Donna Capichano
        no
 
    July 6
    Danielle Cap
        but you make a full return only after 5 years
  
    July 6
    Donna Capichano
        its bad there
        i have a house there
        go into animation
        do what you do best
        please do
 
    July 6
    Danielle Cap
        Ooh! Where? :3
  
    July 6
    Donna Capichano
        listen to me
 
    July 6
    Danielle Cap
        I'm in Hudson!
 
    July 6
    Donna Capichano
        on the gulf
 
    July 6
    Danielle Cap
        I will be! No doubt about it!
        lucky :)
 
    July 6
    Donna Capichano
        you're great at what you do
        don't listen to any of them
        they don't know
        really, and I'm not just shittin you
 
    July 6
    Danielle Cap
        I would say they don't know whats best for my own interests in the heart of things, not that she dont know
        she's done well for herself she has

        I believe it I do
        THERE'S COWS ACROSS THE STREET FROM ME!@@@
        lol (that means LAUGH OUT LOUD, MOTHER!!!!!)
        they're friendly, BUT THEY'RE STILL COWS. (CAN NO-ONE AT ALL SENSE SATIRE, HUMOR, SARCASM?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!)

 
    July 6
    Donna Capichano
        lol
        exactly
        still
        cows
 
    July 6
    Danielle Cap
        I'm more worried about academia out here than I am anything else
 
    July 6
    Donna Capichano
        OK, here
        is your quick skill
        i had othing
        nothing
        grew up with nothing
        you put yourself out there

 
    July 6
    Donna Capichano
        you make a name for yourself and do it
        or falll for all others
        you have the drive to put it alll out there
        you are so good at what you do
        you can be anyone or anything
 
    July 6
    Danielle Cap
        Thank you :)
 
    July 6
    Donna Capichano
        you just have to want it
        and feel it
 
    July 6
    Danielle Cap
        I gotta brb though, I need cake! That's what I want right now!

    July 6
    Donna Capichano
        welcome gir
 
    July 6
    Danielle Cap
        I'm feeling cake, how about you?
        :)
        I got my cake :)
 
    July 6
    Donna Capichano
        lol
        are you having fun sis?
 
    July 6
    Danielle Cap
        Eh, taking it day by day here
        it's calmer than nyc, you dont appreciate it until you're gone from there a while
 
    July 6
    Donna Capichano
        I'm sure
        Just have fun baby girl
 
    July 6
    Danielle Cap
        will do goodnight :)

current mood: pissed off

(comment on this)

4:21 pm - Mom, Lay off.
 Religious Views; Secular Roman Catholic.

Political Views; Politics is from the words "poly" meaning many and "tics" meaning blood-sucking parasites. Any Questions?

Favorite Quotations; “The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”
........-Eleanor Roosevelt
To that, he said;
‎"STAY ON THE GRIND!! The second you lose your focus is the second someone else will find theirs!! Stay Hungry!! DON'T LOSE SIGHT OF YOUR DREAMS!!!"
..............-Sean Diddy Combs
...
On a side note, "If someone doesn't make you laugh, think or cum, they're probably just wasting your time."


Ultimately, about me, there is this to know;
Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave.-Constantin Brancusi
&
Reinvesting in Activism, The trick is to believe so Strongly in the possibility of a better world that your own survival is Imperative in Achieving it- Catherine Roberts Leach

================================================

I'm in the Computer Animation and Interactive Media Major at the Fashion Institute of Technology. I live and breath for the arts, in short. Right now I am on academic hiatus, due to economic hardships. I will be back in class for the completion of my last semester in Spring 2012.


Dear Mom, Dad, Jonathan; I know at some point you're going to come across this for the intent of stalking me, and do know that I love you all; but do know also that this article summarizes how I feel about our lives.

http://www.more.com/abusive-sons

Interested InMen

Relationship StatusSingle

SexFemale

Networks
Fashion Institute

Contact Information

Phone
  • 1 646.354.1166Mobile

Email
  •  
  •  
  •  

Facebookhttp://facebook.com/DiCaPsIllustrative




And for the record, she did offer to help out with rent, she did for one month when dad blackballed me, and she had talked to my father before about my situation too. STOP SNOOPING WHEN YOU KNOW WE'VE TALKED ABOUT SHIT BEFORE AND CAN'T GET OVER YOURSELF, I'M NOT HERE TO MAKE WAR WITH YOU. YOU'RE LOOKING TO GASLIGHT THIS NOW MORE THAN EVER, NOW PLEASE, JUST STOP!

(comment on this)

Tuesday, July 12th, 2011
11:52 pm - "My world goes crazy sometimes, But I don't."
From Steve Englehart's Batman "Detective Comic" Renditions from early 2000, if I'm not mistaken. It could be sooner, or later than that, but I remember a book being out at the time from my regular guy on 86th street/ Bensonhurst area that sold the book. Now I think back to it, it was most likely a re-release from long before.

Damn I miss that store. They've closed down since, so I assume the great old couple has gone to the great beyond. That makes me sad. Guilt riddled too, for I never got to repay my debt to them for holding onto some books from me soon after 9/11 had happened. :(


Before I drive into another tangent though, let me say what I've come down here to record. This is not a revisionist record, not like any of this ever was in the first place. This is the news as it's happening, when it's happening. This entry is anyways.


My mom is very likely getting a divorce. Again. Round two, fight fight! *DING DING DING* Gloves in the air!

There's no words to describe the sick despair in my heart right now. They're arguing like no tomorrow, mostly at a glance seeming to be my mom starting the skit, but as you leer closely in you begin to realize that it's not her being an absolute loon, it's the world around herself that she's been lax, or coy, or both to acknowledging her respectful volume of presence in this life. Maybe her life's laws of physics and of give and return are a family curse, one passed down by the blood in generations to come? I know this sounds like complete garble to anyone outside the know, but this makes absolute sense if you're from mother Hawthorne....

Just, fucking Why T.F. me? ME, VERY SPECIFICALLY?!


I'll do a TL;DR for ya if you're that needy to know;

Momma Haw' and Father Fit'z were not really birds of a feather, but they surely did make it together. 16 times altogether, as a matter of fact. With the full intention of filling the empty void created by both being an only child and the vacuum that was boarding school back in the day.

None were more regarded than my Grandmother, who was both leader of the brood clan and the assigned matriarch of the bunch. So it came as no surprise when she started having brats of her own. 4 in total, my mother was the 3rd. The fourth was the attempt to keep Grandpa in her pocket, but the liquor store had already picked him dry, as they all say. I call bullshit to the extreme on that one, but that's another tangent for another day.

Of those four kids, The 2nd was the first to have her own kid, followed by my mother, number 3. She was only supposed to have one herself by her own wishes of escaping my father and inherent desire to continue her own life, had it not been for my grandmother taking out a debt from my father; oblivious about the troublesome nature of this particular clan until much later on. My mother had felt she was obligated to stay with him because of that debt, and thus allowed herself to carry me to term. Even when the most sensible nobles of the village are telling her GTFO ASAP she would not budge, for "this is a life!" whilst in strife, of fighting for her own life, both against him and the world at bay. She was followed by Kid 1 having her first and only child to date, and number 4 finally picking up pace a good 15 years later, playing the field for what it was worth in the meantime.


Of which, in the most basic of forms to follow, I would follow number 4's basic mantra of "playing the field for what it's worth" until I find my worth on my own without the aid of anyone else in between. It seems to be that lesson was lost from mother to daughter those many generations before, without it ever being examined for why and how it worked in the first place. I think something happened in the subconscious psyche of my grandmother, possibly only seeing one side of the story and refusing to recognize the intangible elements of the opposite side of what makes a family dynamic work in the first place. And that, and only that she allowed into her selfish self was what was exactly taught to my mother and the others before and after her birth order.


I'm sure my mother has recognized that from a young age, she is far smarter than she ever lets anyone onto intellectually. I also do realize though too, that even if and most likely did come down to this very same or similar conclusion, that she felt trapped, by both her physical, emotional and mental environments.


However, never then, when she conceived me nor my immediate brother, or previously, when she hooked up with this new man immediately after leaving my father, or now shortly after conceiving my younger two half brothers, recognize that she does indeed have the power within herself to break this horrid cycle! She's already broken a good fraction of where my life was heading, along with the old man of mine as well, but I do recognize too that the other half of my life is my choice and mine alone to make. When that starts, I procrastinate on, but with a damned purpose I do. I'd rather have the control to say "LET'S GO!" than to be chained to a locale for the next generational years of my life raising a youth to follow in these shitty footsteps. And to gamble if they'll have the wisdom to know the difference? Ha! Being my exact clone, yes, but if they were to come out anything like my father, brother or even my mother on her bad days at all is something I choose not to make a gamble in a shit-tacular environment. However the mate of mine be like when that comes ever comes too would be in consideration, but that's up for debating or berating at this quaint time as of yet. Quite frankly, I'll put it bluntly; Given the way things were with my mother when carrying me; I would not have the sympathy to carry that to term.

I know what empathy is, and I am glad to be alive. I AM making something of myself, which is alot more than I can say for most of those I know of today. But I think it's from those few kicks in the stomach, the few times my head was stuck in the fences, and the all around shitty treatment from every extended family member mentioned here and beyond that really gave me the swiftest kick in the ass. I'm not wanted, I never really was beyond another person's selfish desire of imagined stability with a scoundrel of a farce, and as such I'm only useful for everyone else's bidding until it's time to move on.


So, again? Why me? Because I'm the unintended, undesired consequence of a life gone awry and as born for, something of a filler, like glue to keep it all stuck together when the time is ripe for splitting. Again.


This time though, this peachy fruit might be split down to the nut inside. There's no telling by her side, but I can see outside the consequences that he's not the sharpest blade in the drawer.

I saw that from the beginning, now why didn't she?


Because NOBODY BELIEVES IN STABILITY!






*Mine come in a size 9.1/2, ladies please!*

current mood: exanimate

(1 comment | comment on this)

Tuesday, July 5th, 2011
4:14 pm - "Responsibility is nothing more than the ability to respond to anything"
And I'm off!!! *Vrooshes away with her glorious cape flapping in the wind!!*

(comment on this)

Friday, June 24th, 2011
6:28 pm - Day one went well...
But the night before I had a really REALLY trippy dream.

I saw my ex, with dentures for half of his teath and he had lice in his hair. I ran into him at a deli and then somehow the next instant I'm at his place. Not his actual place but somehow I'm cognizant that it's his place. Go figure. That's when he reveals his bedroom is a walk in closet, shows me how he pops out his dentures and I realize the lice are there.


http://dreammoods.com/cgibin/dreamdictionarysearch.pl?method=exact&header=dreamsymbol&search=dentures

lice http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary/l2.htm

ex boyfriend http://dreammoods.com/cgibin/dreamdictionarysearch.pl?method=exact&header=dreamsymbol&search=ex



That's what I found on it so far, but since I'm at the LGBT center in S.I. typing this out while waiting on Mark to come around. And well, that's all I can do for now. I'll try to get back to you ASAP at another time! Another place!

P.S.- Nearly threw a man down the stairs today. Booya! :3

(comment on this)

Thursday, June 16th, 2011
6:47 pm - Before I get lost now;
24. Second chances.
(And not for just Coney Island, which survives for another season in the kitschy fabulousness we know and love.) Last summer and all the screwups you made, and people you screwed, and people who screwed you, seem like a lifetime ago. The statute of limitations has been reached, the wounds have finally healed, and it's time to inflict some new ones. The air is imbued with possibility. Also, bad smells.

from http://www.villagevoice.com/2011-06-15/news/33-reasons-we-can-t-help-loving-summer-in-the-city/3/

Like this?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_P1c49QMV0o
Gamil Emsak on The Late Show With David Letterman

That's all :)

I'll be back in NYC for the Pixar Master Class from the 24-25th, Guigno 2011.

Hopefully afterwords my mother will finally get to that shrink she's been promising the both of us since I've first come down here. It seems like the passage of time has purposefully been skirting the issue from us now...

(comment on this)

Friday, June 10th, 2011
2:48 pm - So she hasn't sowed in the button eyes yet...
If you were given the opportunity to spend two weeks in any country in the world free of charge, which country would you choose, and why?


I don't think it's so much as a country as much as it is a continent. I'd visit Europe for sure, so to get to see the sites; enjoy the sounds and indulge in the evanescenct grace of the land that's survived many tumultuos times, indeed.

That was a response to the question of the day on here; "which country would you visit if all expenses were paid for 2 weeks straight, and why?" or something along the lines.



Besides, long story short, I'm in FLA.

First, I drop out in my last semester, then stay in Oneonta for a bit, stayed in NYC without much success in a timely fashion, and now in FLA to conserve the last bit of cash on hand.

Sanity? HA! Like that's going to change. Or is it? There's so much I want to say but with so little time an maller oppurtunities to bring it about appropriately it's not even funny. And for anyone who want's to say I'm cold and calculating for doing so, then shame on them for believing that I should have no say of self preservation. Too many times and too many ways I've been screwed with to fall into that again. It's true that I'll bite my tongue when I have nothing to say but even more so when I do. Hopefully that is something that can be worked in a group therapy, but not something I'm so keen to trying again in failure with someone outside without a source of professional merit.

And since this will be with my mother I hope she'll honestly hear ME out for a change, not under the assumption that it's been my brother, father, (imagined) aunts, uncles, [family] friends and anything else in between my head instead.


So life here is this; THERE'S COWS OUTSIDE MY BEDROOM WINDOW.

The place is called Hudson, and surprisingly so cannot get anywhere without a mode of A-La Machina transport. Or as they call it in Sicily "Carro" or as simply stated here in the states, a car. I foolishly/ mistakenly believed that I could just take the bike an RIDE like a badass to whereever I may need to be and am seeing more and more so that's just not the case. I think I might have to build another motorized bicycle again, I'll have to wait and see.


The bugs are the size of your fist, the fences are electrified wherever you go, and everything out to eat you here. Unless you're in a mc-mansion model home like mine... but what's the point when the rescue ostrich around the corner wants you dead too??

Atleast there ain't no Albino Buffalo on the trail here. But I miss those even too.

The ginger chaps are as fun as ever, and when I say that I'm relating to my brothers. Fun and sweet, sour and petite they are as of right now. When they're older, who's to say? But for now, they're grand and gay (in the fun way, you perverts!)


Ithink I'm going to keep a big journal. I saw a scarb the size of.. ah fux with it, the size of my fist, yesteray while riding with Tommy. Interestingly enough he had no interest in that, but when a ferociously giant black and red warrior ant came walking his way when he landed the bike he was all over thta thing like a fat kid his size if over cake. Maybe he thought it was a giant waltzing sprikle, who knows and who cares.

I gotta find something to invigorate them soon though, the sticks ain't the shit for them. Me neither, it seems.


I think that's all I've got to say for now otherwise. I'll try to keep this thing posted, and there's more I want to say but either can't bring myself to type it right now, can't articulate it properly or simply don't have the time for it right now, seeing as the ravenous appetite of the mini ginger beasts rue this household in a bigger cuckhold than the mole-man cavern city beyond the yard.



P.S.- I will fix up that last post I said I would. Eventually, like all my posts I say that for!

(comment on this)

2:25 pm - Writer's Block: Globetrotting
If you were given the opportunity to spend two weeks in any country in the world free of charge, which country would you choose, and why?


I don't think it's so much as a country as much as it is a continent. I'd visit Europe for sure, so to get to see the sites; enjoy the sounds and indulge in the evanescenct grace of the land that's survived many tumultuos times, indeed.

(comment on this)

Thursday, May 12th, 2011
3:31 am - “If you wish to bake an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe,”
So this means the GoodNightMoon I witnessed by the Verrazano will never repeat itself unless I make it so?

Then CHALLENGE ACCEPTED, MATEY!!

1ST THINGS FIRST THOUGH; For this is probably the only post I will ever edit /bc it is my bedtime now and want to jot down before the dragons wake up here!

ARIES [March 21–April 19]The writer John Heywood was a creator of epigrams. I know many of his proverbs that are still invoked, including “Haste makes waste,” “Out of sight, out of mind,” “Look before you leap,” “Rome wasn’t built in a day,” and “Do you want to both eat your cake and have it, too?” I bring this up because I suspect you’re in a Heywoodian phase of your cycle. In the coming weeks, you’re likely to unearth a wealth of insights and guiding principles that will serve you into the future.

TAURUS [April 20–May 20] “If you wish to bake an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe,” said Carl Sagan in Cosmos. In other words, the pie can’t exist until there’s a star orbited by a planet that has spawned intelligent creatures and apples. A lot of preliminaries have to be in place. Keep that in mind as you start out down the long path toward manifesting your own equivalent of the iconic apple pie. You will have to create an entire world to serve as the womb for your brainchild.

GEMINI [May 21–June 20] I’ll quote Wikipedia: “Dawn should not be confused with sunrise, which is the moment when the leading edge of the sun itself appears above the horizon.” In other words, dawn comes before the sun has showed itself. It’s a ghostly foreshadowing—a pale light appearing out of nowhere to tinge the blackness. Where you are right now is comparable to the last hour before the sunrise. When the pale light first appears, don’t mistake it for the sun and take premature action. Wait until you can actually see the golden rim rising.

CANCER [June 21–July 22] When some readers write to me, they address me as “Mr. Brezsny.” It reminds me of what happens when a check-out clerk at Whole Foods calls me “sir”: I feel as if I’ve been hit in the face with a cream pie—like someone is bashing my breezy, casual self-image with an unwelcome blast of dignity and decorum. So let’s get this straight, people: I am not a mister and I am not a sir. Never was, never will be. Now as for your challenges in the coming week, Cancerian: I expect that you, too, may feel pressure to be overly respectable, uncomfortably formal, excessively polite, and in too much control. That would be pushing you in a direction opposite to the one I think you should go.

LEO [July 23–August 22] At one point in Alice in Wonderland, a large talking bird known as the Dodo organizes a race with unusual rules. There is no single course that all the runners must follow. Rather, everybody scampers around wherever he or she wants, and decides when to begin and when to end. When the “race” is all over, of course, it’s impossible to sort out who has performed best, so the Dodo declares everyone to be the winner. I encourage you to organize and participate in activities like that in the coming weeks, Leo. It’s an excellent time to drum up playful victories and easy successes not only for yourself, but for everyone else, too.

VIRGO [August 23–September 22] In his book The Rough Guide to Climate Change, Bob Henson talks about the “five places to go before global warming messes them up.” One such beautiful spot is Colorado’s Rocky Mountain National Park. Vast swatches of its trees are being ravaged by hordes of pine beetles, whose populations used to be kept under control by frigid winters before the climate began to change. Australia’s Great Barrier Reef and Switzerland’s Alpine glaciers are among the other natural beauties that are rapidly changing form. I suggest that you apply this line of thought to icons with a more personal meaning, Virgo. Nothing stays the same forever, and it’s an apt time in your astrological cycle to get all you can out of useful and wonderful resources that are in the midst of transformation.

LIBRA [September 23–October 22] There’s not a whole lot of funny stuff reported in the Bible, but one case occurred when God told Abraham that he and his wife, Sarah, would be able to conceive their first child. This made Abraham laugh out loud, since he was 99 years old at the time and Sarah was 90. It may have been a while since God has delivered any messages to you, Libra, but my sense is that She’s gearing up for such a transmission as we speak. To receive this cosmic jest in the right spirit, make sure you’re not taking yourself too damn seriously.

SCORPIO [October 23–November 21] No one in history has ever drunk the entire contents of a ketchup bottle in less than 39 seconds, says the Guinness Book of World Records. However, I believe it’s possible that a Scorpio daredevil will soon break this record. Right now, your tribe has an enormous power to extract the essence of anything you set your mind to extracting. You’ve got the instincts of a vacuum cleaner. You’re an expert at tapping into the source and siphoning off exactly what you need. You know how to suck—in the best sense of that word—and you’re not shy about sucking.

SAGITTARIUS [November 22–December 21] “I’m not superstitious,” said Michael Scott, the former boss in the TV show The Office. “I’m just a little stitious.” From my perspective, Sagittarius, you shouldn’t indulge yourself in being even a little stitious in the coming weeks. You have a prime opportunity to free yourself from the grip of at least some of your irrational fears, unfounded theories, and compulsive fetishes. I’m not saying that you suffer from more of these delusions than any of the rest of us. It’s just that you now have more power than the rest of us to break away from their spell.

CAPRICORN [December 22–January 19] In Plato’s Republic, Socrates speaks derisively about people who are eu a-mousoi, a Greek term that means “happily without muses.” These are the plodding materialists who have no hunger for inspiration and no need of spiritual intelligence. According to my reading of the astrological omens, Capricorn, you can’t afford to be eu a-mousoi in the coming weeks. Mundane satisfactions won’t be nearly enough to feed your head and heart. To even wake up and get out of bed each morning, you’ve got to be on fire with a shimmering dream or a beautiful prospect.

AQUARIUS [January 20–February 18]In his Book of Imaginary Beings, Jorge Luis Borges reports the following: “Chang Tzu tells us of a persevering man who after three laborious years mastered the art of dragon-slaying. For the rest of his days, he had not a single opportunity to test his skills.” I bring this to your attention, Aquarius, because my reading of the astrological omens suggests that you, too, may be in training to fight a beast that does not exist. Luckily, you’re also in an excellent position to realize that fact, quit the unnecessary quest, and redirect your martial energy into a more worthy endeavor.

PISCES [February 19–March 20] Want to see a rabbit chase a snake up a tree? Go watch this video on YouTube: tinyurl.com/BunnyWhipsSnake. If, for some reason, you don’t have access to YouTube, then please close your eyes and visualize a cute bunny harassing a six-foot-long snake until it slithers madly away and escapes up a tree. Once you have this sequence imprinted on your mind’s eye you will, I hope, be energized to try a similar reversal in your own sphere. Don’t do anything stupid, like spitting at a Hell’s Angels dude in a biker bar. Rather, try a metaphorical or psychological version.




Homework: Imagine it’s 40 years from today. As you look back on your life, what is the one adventure you regret not trying? Testify at FreeWillAstrology.com.



*Must also post for November too.....

(comment on this)

Thursday, April 14th, 2011
3:01 am - I (k)now see the stage! But the audience has changed...
Indeed it has. Maybe it's because I've been listening to far too much RENT and PassionPit for my own good. But it's how I'm making sense of things now.


So I'm on my way back to NYC, Although it's an open embrace I come back I also feel defeated, and more of a failure than that I should be. But I have a far clearer idea of where I should be and where I'm going to be.

And with all due respect, I've definitely made some re-assertions of who I am and more importantly what greater good I should be doing. Most importantly of how to go about it. I've realized when I've pushed too far in personal scenarios and when to cut it out. This is, probably to you reading now, in the very vaguest of concepts. But do now whomever this may be that I'm talking to, that we all have a purpose for this acquainting today. Tonight, or whatever time it may be. I tend to push fates as a proprietor of Karma, in the purest Americanized plural definition of the word, without allowing that very nature take root to the definition it states it is as a natural entity. Of the latter I really should just let sleeping dogs lie if I want things to come into my favor, whilst making better decisions for myself. Mainly, to prevent myself from falling off the wagon, since I can't, for the life of me and everyone I love and cherish, can not afford again.


I've come to see that we did not afford it in the first place. I just wish while things were more prosperous that others would have been as pushy as I was then.

And I think I'm contradicting myself now.

Fuck Tango Maureen for throwing me off track!

*Channels inner Barbar Hanlon and Karen Santry art meditiation lessons*


.............................................................





...........
.
..
...
..............................................................
..
..................\


......

..
...

...

.....

damn dots ain't coming together with the beats!

SHE CHEATED! MAUREEN CHEATED FUCKING CHEATED!!!!

Alright, I'm not playing dumb now, although the song may say it is, so I'll leave it at this.

Pretty much.



























TL/DR: It's through adversity that I'm learning to have the proper motivation sufficient to act.

Now let me finish this One song, Glory....

(comment on this)

Saturday, April 9th, 2011
3:18 am - You Don’t Know Me Lyrics Ben Folds ft Regina Spektor
I wanna ask you : Do you ever sit and wonder,
It’s so strange
That we could be together for
So long, and never know, never care
What goes on in the other one’s head?
Things I’ve felt but I’ve never said
You said things that I never said
So I’ll say something that I should have said long ago

Chorus : Ben Folds and Regina Spektor
(You don’t know me)
You don’t know me at all
(You don’t know me)
You don’t know me at all (at all)

You could have just propped me up on the table like a mannequin
Or a cardboard stand-up and paint me (paint me)
Any face that you wanted me
To be seen we’re damned by the existential moment where
We saw the couple in the coma and
It was we were the cliché,
But we carried on anyway.

So, sure, I could just close my eyes.
Yeah, sure, trace and memorize,
But can you go back once you know

Chorus : Ben Folds and Regina Spektor
(You don’t know me)
You don’t know me at all
(You don’t know me)
You don’t know me at all (at all)

(You don’t know me)
You don’t know me at all
(You don’t know me)
You don’t know me

If I’m the person that you think I am (Ah ah ahh)
Clueless chump you seem to think I am (Ah ah ahhh)
So easily led astray,
An errant dog who occasionally escapes and needs a shorter leash, then
Why the f@#k would you want me back?!
Maybe it’s because
Ben Folds ft Regina Spektor lyrics on www.lyrics-celebrities.anekatips.com

You don’t know me at all

Ahhh ah … Ahhh ah

(You don’t know me, you don’t know me)

Ahhh ah … ahhh ah

So, what I’m trying to say is
What (What?)
I’m trying to tell you
It’s not gonna come out like I wanna say it cause I know you’ll only change it.
(Say it.)

Chorus : Ben Folds and Regina Spektor
(You don’t know me)
You don’t know me at all
(You don’t know me)
You don’t know me at all (at all)

(You don’t know me)
You don’t know me at all
(You don’t know me)
You don’t know me at all (at all)

What?

Regina Spector
(Mmmm, ohh oh
Ah ah ah ah ah
Aha ah ah ah
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Aha ah
Ah ah
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
Oh-oh-oh-oh oh ohh)

I'm making a video to this one day. It will be kick ass. It will involve LGBT. And it will involve Matt Greve along with Emsak and the gang, most likely at Jeremiah's house sometime. That's all.

(comment on this)

Thursday, April 7th, 2011
9:58 pm - Bot Policy? WTF is with that shiz?
On a side note; The old "About me" from my facebook page. I'm going to be changing it up soon is why I post this here...

Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave.-Constantin Brancusi

Reinvesting in Activism,The trick is to believe so Strongly in the possibility of a better world that your own survival is Imperative in Achieving it-Cath. Roberts Leach

I still am a Computer Animation and Interactive Media Major at the Fashion Institute of Technology. I live and breath for the arts, make no qualms about that. Right now however I am on hiatus, due to economic hardship. I will be back in class for the completion of my last semester in Spring 2012.


All the information here is dated as of 2010 and 2011, respectively. When I find a better way of storing my data is when the following will go offline;

---------------------------------------------------------------------
My Fall course schedule is as follows;

Monday I Workout from 5:00-6:30PM in BX28, 8:30-9:30PM in AX39
Tuesday I've got class 2-5pm A320, & 6-9pm C307
Wednesday from 9-1pm, 2-5pm, W.O. 6:30-7:30 in BX13 8- 10pm
Thursday from 9-1pm, C307, W.O. 6:30-7:30pm in BX13
Friday 4:30 to 7:30pm. C307

Spring Semester course schedule is as follows;

Monday's from 10:10am to 3:00pm C307, 3:30-6PM @ A641
Tuesday I've got class 9:10am-12pm C307
Wednesday's from 1:10-4pm, 5:20-10:00pm in C307
Thursday's I am now FREE!!! (Still doin' homework though, don't worry!)
Friday 6:30 to 10:00pm C307
Eff workin' out in the basement, I WILL have a bicycle from then on in.
93rd to 27th, FTW ya!

ALL Saturdays I work on my stuff
ALL Sundays I relax and take care of those other little details we all must do
(Shopping, Laundry, Cleaning, etc etc...)


So a note to future prospective peeps in my life; don't be a dipstick. I'm dead serious. This is the time of my life, and I might just beat you with a can of peas if you dare disrupt me from what must be done. Only get through to me if you really believe it to be worthwhile of my time. (I.E. Something for my passions and future jobs, etc etc)

Anytime I'm off in between that schedule is when you're allowed to disrupt my life. Otherwise, peep off peeps!

*NEWSFLASH!*
http://www.facebook.com/notes.php#!/note.php?note_id=450074716121

Take note what my life will be so I don't chomp yer head off for disrupting me!! Hahaha, I don't bite much otherwise :D

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am currently the ever so gracious nanny of the fabulous Bauer family household. ^-^

So far we are Grandma, Grandpa, Chrissy "God" and Rich "Mithard" Bauer and the incarnate of all things good and holy in life, Owen Hayes :)

Then we have the two mangy mutts Mike and Billy Jo. Eff them son's of a bitches!!!


*********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

This is posted because not much will be true about that in a few days worth of time...:(

I'm off to watch Akira, and Let Me in, I'll let you know how I feel after the fact.

TB/DR-

Owen fell today, I get the blame for being an aweful sitter again, for something worthwhile this time however, and I'm hated by all, loved by none. Yay!

Why do I feel like my life; our lives should have been something more... different, if not better than this?


With that said, I have two things to say;


Exercise your rights or you are just another norm
We all have the right to:

1. Make our own choices.
2. Not be controlled by those who believe they are superior to us because they earn the money and pay the bills.
3. Be in control of our destinies (although we must listen to the universe when she calls).
4. Privacy, even from those we believe love us (When someone loves you they respect your privacy).
5. To dream, to hope for a better future for ourselves and for those that we love.
6. Forgive and be forgiven (true love does not require forgiveness).
7. Be understood and to understand ourselves (to understand ourselves we must first be honest with ourselves - Refer: Choice
8. To be happy (Refer: point 2)
9. To be able to tell the one you love that you love her while you are making love to her without fearing that she will never speak to you again.
10. To not be stoned everytime she is willing to love you.
11. To be able to hold her in your arms after sharing so much.
12. Give of ourselves freely; to not be told to follow the rules of Bogans.
13. Be respected; to be helped to find ourselves again when we are lost. (those who love you, will sacrifice everything to help you. Those who only say they love you, do not care enough to show you the respect that you deserve.
14. Follow our hearts and not our minds.
15. Take a risk even when there never was one.
16. Not be blackmailed by those we have become dependant on. - example: When you come home after an amazing day and they are sitting on the edge of the bed with their suitcases packed telling you they are going to leave - that is blackmail. It also suggests that they are willing to risk losing you.
That they do not respect your intelligence and are more than willing to exploit your gullibility.
Just in case you are wondering - if they were going to leave, they would have already left.
The dilemma for you in this situation is that you do not have time to make a choice even if you tell the one who really loves you, that you did have to make a choice.
17. Love and be loved.


followed by....What C.K.Lewis said....


"Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. There are many things below it, but there are also things above it. You cannot make it the basis of a whole life. It is a noble feeling, but it is still a feeling... Knowledge can last, principles can last, habits can last; but feelings come and go... But, of course, ceasing to be "in love" need not mean ceasing to love. Love in this second sense - love as distinct from "being in love" - is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by (in Christian marriage) the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God... "Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it."

I still haven't watch Akira. I'm waiting on the movie "Let Me In" to load from Icefilms.net as well.



Then I will let you know if I am well.

Toodles peeps!

(comment on this)

Tuesday, April 5th, 2011
10:14 pm - Long Day await me here as steady streams of consciousness flow from my mind...
It's easy to start this thing with "I feel like I'm going insane" statement.

Because I'm sure it's been done a few times already so.

However I find myself auto-correcting my thoughts on here as I type

Because I feel like it has nowhere else to go.

So here is where I sit, stir and play

as the abscess of my mind is working t the bay

Because it does not have my to do over here all day.

-Inspired from that baby orchestra thing playing on Loop for Owen.

---------------------------------------------------


So here I am now, finally got the awesome machine up and running again, and I'm not exactly feeling better for the wear here, per-se. As said before, it's easy for me to say that the contrite opposite, but that would only be fooling me, myself and I. The Protagonist, the Antagonists, and all the elements in between.

So here's part of my mental dilemma. I started writing this thing as of recent so I can take down as many notes as I can, so when I do start seeing a shrink up here then I can throw this at her and say "HERE'S MY TEXTBOOK, HEAR ME RAWR!!!"

But I don't know if that's the best approach or not. Self deprecating much? Maybe. Vain to a text that only I read, and maybe a stalker or two does as well? That too. Any stalkers on here however I would probably, and feel that I should, kiss ass and make amends with no expectations in between or send a swift boot up their asses, but that's another challenge for another day for quite a few individuals.

Hey!

My softimage is almost done downloading! Will continue in a sec!

For the meantime; humanitie's still going to the beat!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5bfseWNmlds

PASSIONPIT- SLEEPYHEAD!!!

"And everything is going to the beat
And everything is going to the beat
And everything is going

And you said
It was like fire around the brim
Burning solid,
Burning thin the burning rim
Like stars burning holes right through the dark
Flicking fire like saltwater into my eyes
You were an inch from the edge of this bed
I drive you back a sleepyhead, sleepyhead

They couldn't think of something to say the day you burst
With all their lions and all their might and all their thirst
They crowd your bedroom like some thoughts wearing thin
Against the walls, against your rules, against your skin
My beard grew down to the floor and out through the doors
Of your eyes, begonia skies like a sleepyhead, sleepyhead

Go ahead"


Wow, well this is going along alot more faster than I could have expected it to do.

I'm onto Maya now, soo,,err yeah.

and onto the streetlab remix of that song as well.

On a complete side note, once when I graduate from this BA I WILL BE HAVING THE MOST KICKASS GRADUATION PARTY EVERRRRRRRRR!

Just saying. Everyone's invited, for I wanna show off where I am compared to where I've come from.

Only thing is, that happily ever after story has yet to come to a dated fruition yet.


(2 hours later after searching the interwebs and keeping myself busy after many false alarms with this download)

Fuck it, I don't feel like writing this now. Another night. I'm off to watch the Fantastic Mr Fox. Goodnight peeps!

(comment on this)

Sunday, March 27th, 2011
2:10 am - LOST; Temporary Link Dump.
http://i.imgur.com/qfmUc.jpg

How I'm feeling ^^^^^^^^^

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/gbsit/how_can_i_woman_the_fuck_up/

How I feel like what I should know/ should be feeling^^^^^^^^^

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/279126743.html

What I feel like they should know^^^^^^^^^

So, from the video of a thousand knuckles cracking at once, I bring you this;

http://www.unshelved.com/2011-3-4

http://i.imgur.com/PkBgH.png

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/fym23/reddit_im_an_18_year_old_guy_and_im_currently/

http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/fwncp/iama_24_year_old_man_who_broke_a_5_year/

And finally;

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/gbwwe/whats_your_favorite_video_game_quote/

(This next quote is a doozie!)

"chiccihines 14 points 9 hours ago* [-]
Yeah I just played through it again recently, deduced it for myself and all that. Far as I can tell, at its core, it's about the value of friendship, letting go, and moving on. I could go on in an essay but I'll just leave you with a few points to back that up.
Yes, Link is after Navi, that's who he's searching for since she SPOILER left at the end of OoT. She pretty much is gone forever, but Link won't accept that and goes off to find her, abandoning his other dear friend Zelda in the process.
He's so blinded by his obsession to find Navi that he becomes, quite literally, stuck in time. He relives the same three days over and over, unable to break out of it.
So many of the side quests have to do with companionship that reflects these points so well (the wedding one in particular). But it doesn't stop there, because think about how all the races have been affected by the skull kid. One could say that the skull kid is the force hindering these self-realizations that help the people grow for the themselves and those around them.
I'll leave you with the ending, so you if you haven't played it, don't read this part. So at the end, which is flawlessly done by the way, the masked children ask you all sorts of questions that peer into your goddamn soul. Reflect on yourself, and find yourself through these questions. Then you kill Majora. Then the happy mask salesman talks to you, and says a bunch of stuff, like "you've already found what you've been looking for" and "a friend doesn't have to say goodbye forever" or some shit like that. With that, Link realizes that, oh shit, Zelda's back home, she loves me, we have a pretty true friendship and I've been blind in my delusional obsession this whole time I couldn't see that (notice how after you beat it, it cleverly says "Dawn of a New Day" hence, Link is finally ready to let go and move on and not be stuck in time).
Well there's more to it (also forgiveness, giants/skull kid etc), but I haven't vented that to anyone yet so whatever. Just thought I'd get the core shit out, not that you'll even read it for christ's sake. But fuck it, it's early and I decided to fucking talk about some majora's mask.
permalinkparent "





Poetry...In motion by HyperlinkText




P.S.-



''The right man in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world'' G-man




Adios peeps...Goodnight and goodluck to all.

More tomorrow!

(comment on this)

Friday, March 25th, 2011
5:54 am - "Will I lose my dignity?"

"Will someone care?
Will I wake tomorrow
from this nightmare?"


http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2011/03/24/hundreds-protest-bloombergs-budget-outside-city-hall/

Hundreds Protest Bloomberg’s Budget Outside City Hall



NEW YORK (CBSNewYork) — Demonstrators chanted “put it back” Thursday morning as they gathered on the steps of City Hall protesting cuts of $300 million to social service programs set forth in Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s preliminary budget proposal.

“We’re here because we need help,” Nicole Rizzo, a single mother, said. “I didn’t do anything wrong, I didn’t steal anybody’s food, I didn’t go to jail. My situation in life happened, the recession happened, look at me – this means that losing everything could be for anybody.”

1010 WINS’ Stan Brooks reports: Annabel Palma calls the cuts “atrocious” and “devastating”

Public Advocate Bill de Blasio and council members pledged to fight to restore the funds warning that the cuts take away critical resources to help children and the homeless.

Shawn Thomas said she received a letter from the Administration of Child Service’s last month stating that in September, due to service cuts, her seven children will no longer be able to attend child care.

“I can’t go to work if my daughters and sons have nowhere safe to go during the day,” Thomas said. “I can’t take my child to work with me and I won’t be able to afford food and rent if I don’t have a job.”

WCBS 880′s Rich Lamb talks with the Mayor about the census results

Annabel Palma, Chair of the New York City Council’s Committee on General Welfare, called the cuts an “assault on our working families and our most vulnerable citizens.”

“These cuts are atrocious, these cuts dig into the core of what we need to do as New Yorkers to survive,” Palma said. “We need shelter, we need to make sure that our families are kept safe…The cuts to child care are devastating.”

She warned that the cuts could cost lives and promised an all out fight.

Ianthe Cupid, of Brooklyn, acknowledges that ACS Homemaking Services have been vital to keeping her family together.

“I used to work as a school bus driver, but have been unable to work since losing my leg in an accident about two years ago,” said Cupid. “Since the accident, I’ve had trouble getting around and caring for my three children, forcing me to rely on ACS Homemaking Services. If these cuts go through and I lose my Homemaker, I don’t know how I’ll be able to care for my kids.”

Under the proposed budget plan, ACS would be forced to close 197 classrooms and eliminate 2,800 family provider slots.

The Department of Homeless Services and the HIV/AIDS Services Administration will also lose several programs and millions in funds according to the preliminary budget proposal.

Student, labor and community groups were to hold a “State Of Emergency Protest: Day Of Rage Against The Cuts” rally Thursday afternoon outside City Hall.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

http://www.nynp.biz/breaking-news/5661-elected-officials-join-advocates-in-opposing-budget-cuts

Elected Officials Join Advocates in Opposing Budget Cuts PDF Print E-mail
Thursday, 24 March 2011 13:33
0diggsdigg

Elected officials joined with advocates, providers and clients on the steps of City Hall today to protest a devastating combination of service cuts proposed in both the State and City budgets.   Annabel Palma, Chair of the New York City Council’s Committee on General Welfare, and Public Advocate Bill de Blasio played a leading role in voicing concerns about cuts to child care, senior services, youth programs, housing and homelessness funding and more.

“The $300 million dollars in cuts to social services outlined in the Mayor’s budget are part of an unwavering assault on our City’s working families and most vulnerable,” said Palma.  “These cuts will directly and negatively impact the already-strained programs that a great number of New Yorkers have come to rely on for survival.  We cannot balance the budget on the backs of our most fragile with some of the most significant cuts to social services in our City’s history.”

“The administration's proposed budget places far too great a burden on New York City’s most vulnerable,” said Public Advocate Bill de Blasio.  “These cuts would take away critical resources we need to protect our children and substantially reduce resources for the homeless at a time when struggling New Yorkers need more help than ever.  As our City recovers from the recession we should be providing the resources necessary to ensure all New Yorkers, even those at the bottom, have an opportunity to rise together.”

“Cuts to Human Services will create havoc in people’s lives,” said Michael Stoller, Executive Director of the Human Services Council (HSC).  “For instance, the proposed $192 million dollars in cuts to the Advantage housing subsidy will mean that thousands of families will have no viable path out of the shelter system and into permanent housing.  We can’t simply cut our way out of this budget crisis.”

“The Governor’s proposal to eliminate 19% of state funding for adult homeless shelters will severely jeopardize the almost 9,000 homeless single adults currently living in city shelters,” said Council Member Stephen Levin.  “At a time when New York City’s shelters are overwhelmed by unprecedented numbers of homeless individuals, this $15.7 million cut will further devastate the system. New York City needs the state to work with us to find real ways to quickly transition individuals into permanent housing and decrease recidivism rates in the shelter system. The state has a responsibility to continue to share responsibility for the shelter system and I call on Governor Cuomo to restore this funding.”

“Our City cannot afford to lose any child care slots or preventative slots," stated Council Member Julissa Ferreras.  The City has proposed cutting more than 16,000 child care subsidies and 2,500 preventive service slots.  “Families are struggling; they are being forced to make hard decision that can put a child’s life in danger.  We need this funding restored so families can focus on strengthening their families rather than tearing them apart. The welfare of our children should not rest on just the families, this needs to be a partnership.”

“The elimination of over 900 day care slots from East New York is racist, punitive, unconscionable and unacceptable,” said Council Member Charles Barron.  “Cutting nearly $17 million from preventive and homemaking services is both a social and an economic injustice, particularly considering that our City’s most vulnerable families depend on these programs.  It’s time to cut the tax breaks for the rich and not balance the budget on the backs of working class families and their children.  Shame on you Mayor Bloomberg!”

“In failing to restore funding to the HIV/AIDS Services Administration, the Mayor's Preliminary Budget risks cutting off essential supportive housing, medical and mental health services for some of the neediest New Yorkers,” said Council Member Gale Brewer.  “Cuts to case management funding would also overwhelm staff while violating legal requirements on case ratios and blocking access to needed services.”


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


http://laborpress.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=497:city-hall-rally-at-5-pm-march-24th-protesting-city-cuts&catid=34:municipal-labour&Itemid=77

City Hall Rally at 5 PM March 24th Protesting City Cuts PDF Print E-mail

March 24, 2011

President John Samuelsen of Transport Workers Union Local 100, and Lillian Roberts, Executive Director of District Council 37 of the American Federation of State, County and Municipal Employees will speak Thursday at a massive City Hall rally together with other union leaders, as well as student and community groups.

In addition to TWU and AFSCME, the coalition includes United Auto Workers Region 9A (covering the East Coast and Puerto Rico), the CUNY Mobilization Network, the Coalition for Public Education, and numerous community groups including the Freedom Party, the South Bronx Community Congress, and the Bail Out the People Movement.

Leaders of these organizations will detail their plans at a City Hall press conference Tuesday at 11am.

Demands for the rally are:       

Jobs, Not Layoffs!
Affordable Housing Now!
No Cuts to Social Services!
No Union-Busting or Privatization!
Extend the Millionaire’s Tax!
Close Corporate Tax Loopholes!
Bring Back the Stock Transfer Tax!
Stop the School Closings!
End Mayoral Control and restore community control!

Larry Hales of the CUNY Mobilization Network said marching to Wall Street will “Highlight the source of the problem. The banks and Wall Street investors have looted the public treasury while giving nothing back,” he commented. “All the budget cuts could be avoided simply by making the banks and investors pay their share of taxes. We are organizing to stop layoffs and budget cuts and to reclaim the public funds to use them for the workers, communities and students.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And lastly, some video of the aforementioned rally, after the City hall thing I was at.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gVAg1yYJEQE



I'm scared for the world.

Yes I feel I can't do anything about it.

*The location below was what was playing at the starbucks amongst the prep meeting karen had with the crew who came with us just before City Hall.





location; Devotchka, Ruthless of 100 lovers Album

(comment on this)

Thursday, March 24th, 2011
6:18 am - Ok, so here's the news at the front;
We're going in!

8:00 am at City Hall, be there or Be square!

http://www.facebook.com/#!/event.php?eid=136475249754161

15,000 expendable families?

You are Attending · Share · Public Event
Time
Thursday, March 24 · 8:00am - 12:00pm

Location
City Hall 260 Broadway, New York, NY 10007

Created By

More Info
15,000 new york Mothers and children who receive rental assistance through the advantage program found out through the news media today that as of the first of next month they may be forced into the streets or into already over crowded city shelters due to state budget cuts. Essentially we are being given a 2 week eviction notice. Unless people band together and raise their voices in unison albany will continue to trample upon the citizens of nyc and send the message that we are expendable, we are vermin beneath their boot heels. if they can put my child's head on their budget chopping block who is to say who is next?


This has come to be because of this;

http://www.coalitionforthehomeless.org/page/speakout/Playing_Politics_Homeless_Families

"Mayor Bloomberg is playing politics with the lives of homeless children and families, issuing irresponsible threats in order to defend a failed program that has led to record homelessness.  And these threats have just gotten MUCH more dangerous.


We need to tell the Mayor to stop the scare tactics and enact proven, cost-effective policies that genuinely reduce family homelessness.


Here’s the background:  Mayor Bloomberg is trying to defend a failed subsidy program called Advantage that, for many, has become a revolving door back to homelessness.  City data show that more than a third of families who’ve left the Advantage program have returned to apply for shelter – but the Bloomberg administration still wants to keep this failed program running.


However, Governor Cuomo wisely withdrew State funds from this flawed program in his budget.  State officials have instead urged the City to use its Federal housing resources (like public housing and rent vouchers) to help homeless families move from costly shelters to their own homes.  This successful approach, which Mayors Koch, Dinkins and Giuliani used, is both fiscally responsible and highly-effective at moving families into long-term, stable homes.


Last week, instead of doing the right thing, Bloomberg officials dropped a bombshell—  threatening to cut off Advantage subsidies on April 1st for 15,000 families already in permanent housing – an unlawful move that we will soon be challenged in court.


Please send a letter to Mayor Bloomberg telling him to stop playing games, and to return to using proven Federal housing programs to help homeless families move from shelters to stable homes.

"

In turn, affecting some of those nearest and dearest to my heart. Namely Karen Vega and her little ones, but there's many more to count.

I will be there no matter what happens.
"""
I JUST received my letter from DHS it reads : IMPORTANT NOTICE REGARDING YOUR ADVANTAGE RENTAL SUPPLEMENT
Dear Karen Vega, DHS and the New York City HRA regretfully inform you that new york state has withdrawn all state and federal funding for the advantage program. Pusuant to 18 N.Y.C.R.R. section 352.3(a)(3)(ii), the City is no longe...r authorized to continue the program. As a result NO FURTHER rental assistance payments will be provided to your landlord on your behalf....... in other words go screw yourself and have a nice day.      """"



""""""""

I just received this email from a community group called community voices heard.

Hi-
You wrote to us about the Advantage voucher cut off.
There is a Press Conference with Councilwoman AnnalbelPalma on Thursday who stance is similar to ours. The Advantage program is a set up. Many families end up back in shelpter once the voucher ends. ... And we need a better program. But they cannot just suddenly cut people off like this. So, come Thursday at 9am to City Hall. At 9:30am there wil be people talking to the press. And at 10am The Commissioner will speak about this. CVH members plan to hand him a voided housing voucher. If you want you can sign up to speak at the public testimony which starts at 4:15. There is also a rally and march to Wall st (who has all the money). Let me know if you are able or interested. I am out of the office at a conference so you could speak with Pamela (cc'd) or call my cell.

"""""""""
 
http://www.coalitionforthehomeless.org/blog/entry/latest-updates-on-advantage/

"

Monday, March 21, 2011 by Giselle Routhier

Latest Updates on Advantage

There has been a lot of information passed around in the last few days about the future of the Advantage program. Here is some of the latest information and what you need to know as a tenant:

-- IF YOU RECEIVED THE CITY'S NOTICE THAT YOUR ADVANTAGE RENTAL PAYMENTS WILL BE CUT OFF, READ THIS IMPORTANT NOTICE FROM THE LEGAL AID SOCIETY EXPLAINING WHAT TO DO Please note that the Coalition for the Homeless is working with Legal Aid to pursue a legal challenge to halt the City's plan to terminate benefits for current Advantage tenants.

-- TAKE ACTION! Send a letter to Mayor Bloomberg telling him to stop playing games, and to return to using proven Federal housing programs to help homeless families move from shelters to stable homes.

-- Download a Fact Sheet from the Legal Aid Society detailing the City's legal commitments to continue paying the Advantage subsidy to current tenants.

-- Read our statement about the City's threat to cut off rental assistance to current tenants. 

-- Read our recently-released policy brief detailing why the City should end the failed Advantage program going forward and institute the better, more cost-effective approach of prioritizing homeless families for federal housing resources. Also see our blog post for more information here.

-- Read the facts about the Mayor's Advantage budget strategy, which falsly places blame on the State for the City's decision to end Advantage.

-- Read a press release by New York State Assemblymember Jim Brennan calling on the Mayor to return to the policy of referring homeless families to federal housing resources, such as public housing and Section 8."



"


This friday gov. cuomo sent a recorded message via mass phone calls to the citizens of New York urging them to back his proposed budget and boasting about all the "wasteful spending" his budget would eliminate. I ask you Govenor, is providing assistance to needy families wasteful spending? Are we anything more to you than human waste??
<input ... ><input ... ><input ... ><input ... >Monday at 12:12am · ·





God save us.



































































*not you, Oneonta!

(comment on this)

> previous 20 entries
> top of page
LiveJournal.com